The Kleptomal....
Feb. 11th, 2008 08:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mdehnersOn one of my lists a member mentioned folks creating a modern-mal. Pip is in the process of. I personally am not Talented enough. For me, I collect quotes in books I'm reading that are funny, wise and sometimes both. Here's a few:
The Kleptomal
“I suppose when you’re preoccupied with solving the mysteries of existence and eternity, you can’t be bothered with cleaning up after yourself…”-Gayle, “Drinking Midnight Wine’
"It's easy not to kill people who don't deserve it. It's from killing the people who Irritate you, that is the task"-Gwurm,' A Nameless Witch'-Martinez
“Visions are rarely practical. Useful, sometimes. Insightful, often. Practical, hardly ever.”-Nameless, ‘A Nameless Witch”-Martinez
“Vengeance? It isn’t an exact science, but I figure it has to be farther than a journey of self-discovery, but shorter than an epic quest.:-Qwurm-“A Nameless Witch”-Martinez
“It seems to me that too many people are neglectful of their deaths. It is the last act of their lives. Give me a memorably gruesome demise over a long, boring life any day.”-Newt, “A Nameless Witch”-Martinez
“I’m a Witch. The broom. The cloak. The talking duck. I expect it would be obvious. Well, perhaps not the duck.”-A Nameless Witch`
“No night is so dark, no situation so dire, that the intervention of the Gods can’t make it worse.”-Darnak Stonesplitter: ’Goblin Hero’ by Hines
“The difference between a Hero and an ordinary man is that when an ordinary man comes upon a flaming death swamp full of venomous dragon snakes, he turns around. The Hero strips and goes for a swim.:-St Catharine the Patient, mother of Glen the Daring: ’Goblin Hero’ by Hines
“Witches aren’t like that.” said Magrat. ‘We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature and do no harm to anyone and it’s wicked of them to say we don’t. We ought to fill their bones with hot lead.” ‘Wyrd Sisters’-Pratchett
“If it was easy it would have been done already.”-Solomon Short
“You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.”-Solomon Short
“Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be glad it happens in that order.”-Solomon Short
“You can believe anything you want. The universe is not obligated to keep a straight face.”-Solomon Short
“The problem with the genepool is that there is no lifeguard.”-Solomon Short
“ “The only acceptable substitute for brains is silence.”-Solomon Short
“Choose your death carefully. You are going to be stuck with it for a long time.”-Solomon Short
“By all means, take the moral high ground-all that heavenly backlighting makes you a much easier target.”-Solomon Short
“I’m not Suicidal, I have an Anxiety Disorder. People like me seldom kill themselves. We’re too Anxious about Death.”-Marc, ‘Undead and Unwed’
“Every good housecleaning begins with changing the doormat.”-Ed Helms of ‘The Daily Show’ about Scott McClellan
“Well, the angel remembered the few days he’d been essentially a human teenaged male, but since that had mostly involved being confused, hungry and obsessed with genitalia, it wasn’t much help. “Long Hot Summoning”
“We’re probably talking a New Age kind of Angel;” Claire sighed. “human-appearing, frighteningly powerful, smug,a sweetly sanctimonious busybody”. “The Second Summoning”
Other theories about the ultimate start involve gods creating the universe out of the ribs, entrails and testicles of their fathers. They are interesting, not for what they tell us about cosmology but for what they say about the people. “Lords and Ladies”
“That’s no call to go around believing in gods. It only encourages ‘em”-Granny Weatherwax, “Lords & Ladies”
Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or may be dead, though in this box there were three, Alive, Dead and Bloody Furious…”Lords & Ladies”
It was easy to be a vegetarian by day, it was harder preventing yourself becoming a humanitarian at night –Angua the Werewolf, ‘Feet of Clay’
You tended to notice Dwarf outposts. A three-story house remaining the same height as a two-story; an excess of small ponies pulling small carts; and, of course, all the really short people wearing beards and helmets…a definite clue…”-“Thud!”
Unicorns were not the brightest of beasts at the best of times-they tended to remind her of highly inbred lapdogs, to tell the truth, all beauty and no brains…-“The Fairy Godmother”
“It’s a fact known throughout the Universes that no matter how carefully the colours are chosen, institutional décor ends up as either Vomit green, Unmentionable Brown, Nicotine Yellow or Surgical Appliance Pink.”- “Equal Rites”
“And, as it is generally the case around the time a prophet is expected, the Church redoubled it’s efforts to be Holy. This is very much like the bustle you get in any large concern when auditors are expected….”- “Small Gods”
“The trouble with being a god is there is no one to Pray to”-The God Om, “Small Gods”
“There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that can not be easily duplicated by a normal, kindly family man who just comes into work each day and has a job to do…”-“Small Gods”
“Many feel they are “Called” to the priesthood, but what they really hear is an inner voice saying, ”It’s Indoor work with no heavy lifting, do you WANT to be a ploughman like your father?”-Small Gods”
“Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum’-“Small Gods”
“I like the idea of Democracy. You have to have someone everyone distrusts. That way, everyone’s happy…”-Brutha, “Small Gods”
“The Roman Republic lasted 558 yrs, or 557 yrs longer than any elected Italian gov’t since.”-‘America, The Book’
“The Pilgrims had come to escape religious persecution, to create a society where they could worship as they pleased and one day, God willing, even do some persecuting of their own.”-‘America, The Book’
“Blame for Africa’s modern-day ills can be laid squarely at the feet of two oppressors: White People and Black People.”-‘America, The Book’
“Theologians are lawyers with Divinity degrees” ‘Dead on my Feet’
“There is no substitute for good manners-except fast reflexes” –‘Jhereg’
“True Heroics must carefully planned-and strenuously avoided.”-Jhereg’
“Tread lightly near thine own traps”-‘Jhereg’
“No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife between the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style’-‘Jhereg’
“If all you’ve got’s a stick, everything looks like a kneecap.”-Vlad, ‘Issola’
________________________________________
The Kleptomal
“I suppose when you’re preoccupied with solving the mysteries of existence and eternity, you can’t be bothered with cleaning up after yourself…”-Gayle, “Drinking Midnight Wine’
"It's easy not to kill people who don't deserve it. It's from killing the people who Irritate you, that is the task"-Gwurm,' A Nameless Witch'-Martinez
“Visions are rarely practical. Useful, sometimes. Insightful, often. Practical, hardly ever.”-Nameless, ‘A Nameless Witch”-Martinez
“Vengeance? It isn’t an exact science, but I figure it has to be farther than a journey of self-discovery, but shorter than an epic quest.:-Qwurm-“A Nameless Witch”-Martinez
“It seems to me that too many people are neglectful of their deaths. It is the last act of their lives. Give me a memorably gruesome demise over a long, boring life any day.”-Newt, “A Nameless Witch”-Martinez
“I’m a Witch. The broom. The cloak. The talking duck. I expect it would be obvious. Well, perhaps not the duck.”-A Nameless Witch`
“No night is so dark, no situation so dire, that the intervention of the Gods can’t make it worse.”-Darnak Stonesplitter: ’Goblin Hero’ by Hines
“The difference between a Hero and an ordinary man is that when an ordinary man comes upon a flaming death swamp full of venomous dragon snakes, he turns around. The Hero strips and goes for a swim.:-St Catharine the Patient, mother of Glen the Daring: ’Goblin Hero’ by Hines
“Witches aren’t like that.” said Magrat. ‘We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature and do no harm to anyone and it’s wicked of them to say we don’t. We ought to fill their bones with hot lead.” ‘Wyrd Sisters’-Pratchett
“If it was easy it would have been done already.”-Solomon Short
“You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.”-Solomon Short
“Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be glad it happens in that order.”-Solomon Short
“You can believe anything you want. The universe is not obligated to keep a straight face.”-Solomon Short
“The problem with the genepool is that there is no lifeguard.”-Solomon Short
“ “The only acceptable substitute for brains is silence.”-Solomon Short
“Choose your death carefully. You are going to be stuck with it for a long time.”-Solomon Short
“By all means, take the moral high ground-all that heavenly backlighting makes you a much easier target.”-Solomon Short
“I’m not Suicidal, I have an Anxiety Disorder. People like me seldom kill themselves. We’re too Anxious about Death.”-Marc, ‘Undead and Unwed’
“Every good housecleaning begins with changing the doormat.”-Ed Helms of ‘The Daily Show’ about Scott McClellan
“Well, the angel remembered the few days he’d been essentially a human teenaged male, but since that had mostly involved being confused, hungry and obsessed with genitalia, it wasn’t much help. “Long Hot Summoning”
“We’re probably talking a New Age kind of Angel;” Claire sighed. “human-appearing, frighteningly powerful, smug,a sweetly sanctimonious busybody”. “The Second Summoning”
Other theories about the ultimate start involve gods creating the universe out of the ribs, entrails and testicles of their fathers. They are interesting, not for what they tell us about cosmology but for what they say about the people. “Lords and Ladies”
“That’s no call to go around believing in gods. It only encourages ‘em”-Granny Weatherwax, “Lords & Ladies”
Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or may be dead, though in this box there were three, Alive, Dead and Bloody Furious…”Lords & Ladies”
It was easy to be a vegetarian by day, it was harder preventing yourself becoming a humanitarian at night –Angua the Werewolf, ‘Feet of Clay’
You tended to notice Dwarf outposts. A three-story house remaining the same height as a two-story; an excess of small ponies pulling small carts; and, of course, all the really short people wearing beards and helmets…a definite clue…”-“Thud!”
Unicorns were not the brightest of beasts at the best of times-they tended to remind her of highly inbred lapdogs, to tell the truth, all beauty and no brains…-“The Fairy Godmother”
“It’s a fact known throughout the Universes that no matter how carefully the colours are chosen, institutional décor ends up as either Vomit green, Unmentionable Brown, Nicotine Yellow or Surgical Appliance Pink.”- “Equal Rites”
“And, as it is generally the case around the time a prophet is expected, the Church redoubled it’s efforts to be Holy. This is very much like the bustle you get in any large concern when auditors are expected….”- “Small Gods”
“The trouble with being a god is there is no one to Pray to”-The God Om, “Small Gods”
“There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that can not be easily duplicated by a normal, kindly family man who just comes into work each day and has a job to do…”-“Small Gods”
“Many feel they are “Called” to the priesthood, but what they really hear is an inner voice saying, ”It’s Indoor work with no heavy lifting, do you WANT to be a ploughman like your father?”-Small Gods”
“Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum’-“Small Gods”
“I like the idea of Democracy. You have to have someone everyone distrusts. That way, everyone’s happy…”-Brutha, “Small Gods”
“The Roman Republic lasted 558 yrs, or 557 yrs longer than any elected Italian gov’t since.”-‘America, The Book’
“The Pilgrims had come to escape religious persecution, to create a society where they could worship as they pleased and one day, God willing, even do some persecuting of their own.”-‘America, The Book’
“Blame for Africa’s modern-day ills can be laid squarely at the feet of two oppressors: White People and Black People.”-‘America, The Book’
“Theologians are lawyers with Divinity degrees” ‘Dead on my Feet’
“There is no substitute for good manners-except fast reflexes” –‘Jhereg’
“True Heroics must carefully planned-and strenuously avoided.”-Jhereg’
“Tread lightly near thine own traps”-‘Jhereg’
“No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife between the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style’-‘Jhereg’
“If all you’ve got’s a stick, everything looks like a kneecap.”-Vlad, ‘Issola’
________________________________________
