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mdehnersIt's been Interesting how that since Mom has Passed I find myself allowed to be Angry with her actions that brought us here to "The Dangly Bits" 15 yrs ago. It's not that my Love for her has changed, it's as if now that she's gone IN MYSELF I feel safe enough to feel Angry.
She LIED. To me. To Chuck, To Chris and Sandi. To DAD. Different lies to each, tailored to manipulate each to do what she wanted. I Understand she wanted all her family around her in her remaining time. Sadly, if she'd just come out and said it, we probably WOULD have.
I didn't learn this until a couple yrs had Passed. In that time I couldn't Understand why there seemed to be Resentment toward us when as far as I knew, we'd come to HELP. That's when a fight between me and my brother blew up and I found out what she'd said to THEM. Since his wife and Mom had just "mended fences" over an argument that lasted YRS I didn't tell what she'd actually told us, just that what she'd told them was WRONG. Later, found out a totally different story to Dad...a story that coloured his reactions to Chuck for almost a decade.
I'm old enough to sort of Understand. She grew up at a time when women had just been given the right to vote and STILL were considered like some kind of "Talking Dog"(esp. in the Conservative area she lived). For most women of her generation and class, there was only one Power available....MANIPULATION. Understanding doesn't mean not feeling Hurt. Forgiveness the same. And the Sadness that her actions in her last yrs colour a lifetime of otherwise good Memories.
But we're Working on it.
Cheers,
Pat
She LIED. To me. To Chuck, To Chris and Sandi. To DAD. Different lies to each, tailored to manipulate each to do what she wanted. I Understand she wanted all her family around her in her remaining time. Sadly, if she'd just come out and said it, we probably WOULD have.
I didn't learn this until a couple yrs had Passed. In that time I couldn't Understand why there seemed to be Resentment toward us when as far as I knew, we'd come to HELP. That's when a fight between me and my brother blew up and I found out what she'd said to THEM. Since his wife and Mom had just "mended fences" over an argument that lasted YRS I didn't tell what she'd actually told us, just that what she'd told them was WRONG. Later, found out a totally different story to Dad...a story that coloured his reactions to Chuck for almost a decade.
I'm old enough to sort of Understand. She grew up at a time when women had just been given the right to vote and STILL were considered like some kind of "Talking Dog"(esp. in the Conservative area she lived). For most women of her generation and class, there was only one Power available....MANIPULATION. Understanding doesn't mean not feeling Hurt. Forgiveness the same. And the Sadness that her actions in her last yrs colour a lifetime of otherwise good Memories.
But we're Working on it.
Cheers,
Pat
no subject
Date: 2016-03-14 04:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-03-14 01:43 pm (UTC)Cheers,
Pat